Random thoughts while queueing at Vancouver Starbucks #348

Here’s an idea: coffee shops that administer two lines for waiting patrons — one for those of us that want regular coffee, and another, longer line for anyone who wants one of those complex, silly, has-nothing-to-do-with-coffee -and-is-more-like-a-dessert / fruit non-alcoholic-cocktail things that takes eons to make.

(Full disclosure: When I go to a coffee shop, I do so to because I want coffee — not something thick and fruity enough to float a barge and substitute for perfume simultaneously.)

To be completely fair, the ubiquitous presence of Starbucks, Second Cup, and other “boutique” or high-end coffee shops in Canada’s urban centres is a blessing for lovers of good coffee. A blessing, of course, only so long as we remain in line behind this:

What’s that? You’d like a triple-malt strawberry-banana fructolicious latté shake? Sure! Which size would you like? Medium? This is a medium. Larger? Great! A large. Ok, back to a medium then. Great!! Would you like soy, lactose free, organic, whole milk, or creamo with that? Skim? Great!! And sugar? No sugar? Oh! Cane sugar! Awesome!! Cane sugar coming right up! You want kiwi, too? Great! Oh, hold the strawberry?? So yes to kiwi and no to strawberry? Sure!

...do you want banana tree peelings as well? Great! That’ll be $18.95!

That’ll be five fucking minutes of my life I will never, ever get back.

Coffee, according to the Encyclopedia Britannica:

beverage brewed from the roasted and ground seeds of the tropical evergreen coffee plant of African origin. It is consumed either hot or cold by about one-third of the people in the world, in amounts larger than those of any other drink.

The 2004 Oxford English Dictionary:

Cof•fee |'kôfē; käfē |
noun
1 A drink made from the roasted and ground beanlike seeds of a tropical shrub, served hot or iced.

The icing: Starbucks defines itself as...

...the leading retailer, roaster and brand of specialty coffee in the world.

Am I missing something?
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