Crunch crunch crunch

Children:

I apologize for neglecting you! Please allow me to offer a few thoughts that may sway you over while I grind out my Master's thesis. Though I'm not sure what over you need be swayed, this is a rhetorical offer and you have no choice. On with the show!

1. Coffee is the greatest consumable non-beer liquid substance on earth. It is because I have decided so. I assume you have questions; here are the answers: yes, coffee is better than champagne. And if you are miffed about coffee's unquestionable superiority, think of this: you can always put a little alcohol in your coffee and, depending on how much you've dumped in, expect the same great coffee taste. You can't do the opposite. Nor can you readily eat champagne beans if you felt so inclined. A warning, though: avoid airplane coffee at all costs, or you may not shit straight for days.

2. HRM police seem to have run out of things to do and are now staking out Pizza Corner. En masse. And by 'en masse' I'm not talking French — I talking half a dozen officers on foot, street barricades, paddy wagons, cruisers, flashlights, drunk tanks, tasers, mace, bullet-proof vests and scary boots. The 40000% increase in police pizza presence isn't necessarily a bad thing, given that the average Pizza Corner altercation makes a strong case against classifying Halifax as part of "civilization" — but really, are there no more Dark Side murders to solve? Strip clubs to close? And what about policing all those vagrants who hang out around the Spring Garden McDonald's and make perfectly upstanding citizens like me uncomfortable?

3. I don't much care if John Mark Karr actually killed anyone or not — he needs to be arraigned on charges of excessive creepyness. Regardless.

4. Finally, this from Bourque.com's notes page. Warning: it's a bit old. Then again, the best ideas always are:

BREAKING: Bourque has learned that Prime Minister Stephen Harper and US President George Bush have agreed to swap Alaska for New Brunswick. The idea, first broached in Cancun two days ago by officials discussing bilateral trade issues, was said to have been well received by both leaders late Thursday as they sipped margaritas, dipped corn chips into spicy salsa, and contemplated the various merits of the deal. Sources inside the Prime Minister's Office indicated under condition of anonymity late Friday night that the plan would see the province of New Brunswick amalgamated into the State of Maine no later than April 8, 2010, in exchange for the state of Alaska, which would be amalgamated into the Yukon. "It makes eminent sense", said our source, who once attended a Harvard lecture given by the erudite Michael Ignatieff several years ago. "Both are marginal territories awkwardly placed in their respective countries", noted our source, "and both countries would be strengthened by this type of realignment". In fact, Bourque has confirmed through sources in Cancun that a secret task force has been struck to put together a plan of action based on sound strategic, geopolitical, commercial, and national security reasons strong enough to instigate successful votes in both Congress and Parliament no later than April 8, 2008. It remains unclear what, if any, say the citizens of Alaska and New Brunswick will have in the decision-making process, though it is understood that both the Governor of Alaska and the Premier of New Brunswick have been briefed and are on side. Developing...

Next up: PEI for Oregan!

谢谢，
再见。