(un)informed confusion
~ and other odd oddities ~

8.20.2006

Crunch crunch crunch


Children:

I apologize for neglecting you! Please allow me to offer a few thoughts that may sway you over while I grind out my Master's thesis. Though I'm not sure what over you need be swayed, this is a rhetorical offer and you have no choice. On with the show!

1. Coffee is the greatest consumable non-beer liquid substance on earth. It is because I have decided so. I assume you have questions; here are the answers: yes, coffee is better than champagne. And if you are miffed about coffee's unquestionable superiority, think of this: you can always put a little alcohol in your coffee and, depending on how much you've dumped in, expect the same great coffee taste. You can't do the opposite. Nor can you readily eat champagne beans if you felt so inclined. A warning, though: avoid airplane coffee at all costs, or you may not shit straight for days.

2. HRM police seem to have run out of things to do and are now staking out Pizza Corner. En masse. And by 'en masse' I'm not talking French — I talking half a dozen officers on foot, street barricades, paddy wagons, cruisers, flashlights, drunk tanks, tasers, mace, bullet-proof vests and scary boots. The 40000% increase in police pizza presence isn't necessarily a bad thing, given that the average Pizza Corner altercation makes a strong case against classifying Halifax as part of "civilization" — but really, are there no more Dark Side murders to solve? Strip clubs to close? And what about policing all those vagrants who hang out around the Spring Garden McDonald's and make perfectly upstanding citizens like me uncomfortable?

3. I don't much care if John Mark Karr actually killed anyone or not — he needs to be arraigned on charges of excessive creepyness. Regardless.

4. Finally, this from Bourque.com's notes page. Warning: it's a bit old. Then again, the best ideas always are:


BREAKING: Bourque has learned that Prime Minister Stephen Harper and US President George Bush have agreed to swap Alaska for New Brunswick. The idea, first broached in Cancun two days ago by officials discussing bilateral trade issues, was said to have been well received by both leaders late Thursday as they sipped margaritas, dipped corn chips into spicy salsa, and contemplated the various merits of the deal. Sources inside the Prime Minister's Office indicated under condition of anonymity late Friday night that the plan would see the province of New Brunswick amalgamated into the State of Maine no later than April 8, 2010, in exchange for the state of Alaska, which would be amalgamated into the Yukon. "It makes eminent sense", said our source, who once attended a Harvard lecture given by the erudite Michael Ignatieff several years ago. "Both are marginal territories awkwardly placed in their respective countries", noted our source, "and both countries would be strengthened by this type of realignment". In fact, Bourque has confirmed through sources in Cancun that a secret task force has been struck to put together a plan of action based on sound strategic, geopolitical, commercial, and national security reasons strong enough to instigate successful votes in both Congress and Parliament no later than April 8, 2008. It remains unclear what, if any, say the citizens of Alaska and New Brunswick will have in the decision-making process, though it is understood that both the Governor of Alaska and the Premier of New Brunswick have been briefed and are on side. Developing...


Next up: PEI for Oregan!

谢谢,
再见。

6...thoughts from my fellow Saturnalians:

  • Chris:

    They should double the police presence on Pizza Corner (and Barrington Street and Spring Garden Road) yet still. I have lived in that area for nearly five years now and I can tell you that things are out of control. A Thursday, Friday or Saturday night can not pass without a someone getting beat up, a storefront window being knocked out or a car being vandalized. The rest of the time there is just screaming, yelling, squealing tires, etc.

    I am not too old and still like to go out and enjoy our great city, but things have gotten truly ridiculous. People have the right to enjoy themselves, but they do not have the right to do the things I regularly see from my living room window.

    By Blogger Devin Maxwell, at Sun Aug 20, 11:02:00 a.m. ADT  

  • Chris:

    One more thing...

    Paul Martin was going to get us the the Turks and Caicos islands...With Stephen Harper we get Alaska. Again, the choice is clear;)

    By Blogger Devin Maxwell, at Sun Aug 20, 11:06:00 a.m. ADT  

  • Strong action by our almighty leader PMSH. Long live King Harper! =P

    In any case, why not trade the entire the entire east coast for the American west coast? =P

    By Blogger Eric, at Sun Aug 20, 12:37:00 p.m. ADT  

  • S.O., we might have to trade all of Canada away for the American west coast. PEI, NS and Newfoundland would probably fetch us Washington state. And California is more populated than our entire country.

    re: the cop presence, I do hope it trickles down a little in the coming months, and I assume it will once winter sets in.... It's good to have a cop presence there, but the current operation seems to be overkill and the positive side of pizza corner -- the community aspect -- is taking a hit because no one want to stay there. I'd say two or three cop cars with a few police on foot would do the trick -- not half of the force + road blocks hundreds of feet away.

    By Blogger C. LaRoche, at Sun Aug 20, 06:54:00 p.m. ADT  

  • Interesting historical fact that nobody really cares about:

    During the Trent Crisis the governor of British Columbia formulated a plan to invade Washington. At the time, Washington State was sparsely populated and military presence was non-existant. In BC, the British forces were a formidable force.

    If it had come to war, Washington would have become a province of Canada. (and possibly Oregon too)

    Just thought I'd entertain you with that random thought. =)

    By Blogger Eric, at Sun Aug 20, 07:24:00 p.m. ADT  

  • yes, i agree with chris. there is a difference between increased police prescence and turing a city block into a police state. and i don't know if you have been hearing stories, but they are also arresting people for ABSOLUTELY NO reason. peace loving people are getting thrown in the drunk tank for maybe talking to a cop, or trying to figure out what is going on when you're friend is getting arrested for no reason, and so on.

    i haven't become a victim of this new ZERO tolerance policy, but i can tell you even previous victims are saying they are COMPLETELY missing the point. remember the coast cover story? perhaps the straw the broke the camel's back (the story behind it, not the writing)? well, she's not too happy about what's going on either.

    the cops are completely wasting their resources, just SITTING there, about ten or more of em, just WAITING for something to happen. nothing happens? no bigs. i think that guy just stubbled.

    By Blogger Southwick, at Wed Aug 23, 10:37:00 a.m. ADT  

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